As one who knows that our activities in the Premortal life do impact us in this life, I was intrigued by his almost strident attack against the concept of Soul Mates. My research and life’s experiences lead me to dig in to this issue and I came up with the following conclusions.
President Kimball in Context:
In a 1976 address to BYU students at a devotional, President Kimball stated: “‘Soul mates are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price.”
For contextual purposes it is important to note the President Kimball’s central theme was making marriages work. His point overall was that yes, we must be careful in selecting our spouses, but it does not end there. Marriage requires work and can be successful if we are wiling to pay the price. In that same talk he also stated: “First, there must be the proper approach toward marriage, which contemplates the selection of a spouse who reaches as nearly as possible the pinnacle of perfection in all the matters which are of importance to the individuals.” On another occasion regarding the choice of marriage partners he also stated regarding the decision who to marry; “Certainly the most careful planning and thinking and praying and fasting should be done to be sure that of all decisions, this one is not wrong.”
It is clear from these quotes, and his other teachings, that he was not teaching that any choice in marriage was fine. He believed and taught that it was a choice that should be entered with prayer, fasting, etc. to maximize our chance of finding the best partner. So the issue remains as to what he meant by the term Soul Mate.
Elder Packer in Context
In the mentioned Ensign article the writer went on to provide a strangely edited quote by Elder Packer about not believing in “Predestined love”, and then proceed to expound on how the concept of Soul Mates violates the doctrine of agency.
Here is the actual, unedited quote by Elder Packer:
“While I am sure some young couples have some special guidance in getting together, I do not believe in predestined love. If you desire the inspiration of the Lord in this crucial decision, you must live the standards of the Church, and you must pray constantly for the wisdom to recognize those qualities upon which a successful union may be based. You must do the choosing, rather than to seek for some one-and-only so-called soul mate, chosen for you by someone else and waiting for you. You are to do the choosing. You must be wise beyond your years and humbly prayerful unless you choose amiss.” –Boyd K. Packer, 1963
It seems clear that Elder Packer’s issue with the concept of soul mates was founded in a belief that soul mates were chosen for us, by someone else, a sort of prearranged marriage from the Pre-mortal life that we must adhere to in this life. As if some heavenly matchmaker, like Yente in “Fiddler on the Roof” chose our one and only and then predestined us to marry them in this life. If that is the concept of Soul Mates then it should be rejected as a fiction and illusion.
However, one should note from the quote that Elder Packer left open possibility of “special guidance” in finding a mate, and clearly believed in the possibility that in choosing one could choose wrongly or in his words “amiss”
Elder Oaks on Predestined Companionship
In a Worldwide Leadership Training conference in 2008 Elder Oaks, held open the possibility of some pre-mortal impact, but expressed doubt about such at least as far as predestination is concerned;
“I’m always doubtful when I hear that someone’s waiting for the person that was predestined for them in heaven. There may be such cases. But I think most of us are looking for someone we love, whom we can stand together with and go forward with, who has same ideals and the same principles to make an eternal family. I think the idea that you’re waiting until something hits you on the head as if to say “this is it” just postpones marriage and sometimes prevents it altogether.
Joseph F Smith on Pre-Mortal Choice
President Smith expressed a similar reservation about a concept of our activities in the pre-mortal existence impacting our choice of marriage partners, but also held it out as a possibility in some cases.
“We have no scriptural justification . . . for the belief that we had the privilege of choosing our parents and our life companions in the spirit world. This belief has been advocated by some, and it is possible that in some instances it is true, but it would require too great a stretch of the imagination to believe it to be so in all, or even in the majority of cases. Most likely we came where those in authority decided to send us. Our agency may not have been exercised to the extent of making choice of parents and posterity.”
Elder Uchtdorf on Soul Mates
In a 2009 CES fireside then President Uchtdorf mentioned the concept of soul mates, stating his personal belief that there was not a one and only person for each of us, and then using the term soul mates as a concept that begins in this life and lasts into the eternities.
“I don’t believe there is only one right person for you. I think I fell in love with my wife, Harriet, from the first moment I saw her. Nevertheless, . . . I don’t believe she was my one chance at happiness in this life, nor was I hers. . . .“Once you commit to being married, your spouse becomes your soul mate, and it is your duty and responsibility to work every day to keep it that way.”
President Hinckley and the Right Person
Speaking of the marriage partner choice President Hinckley stated: “This will be the most important decision of your life, the individual whom you marry. . . . Marry the right person in the right place at the right time”
Next post I will cover the scriptural reference that seem to suggest the possibility of an impact of our pre-mortal life our earthly life, in the sphere of marriage. I will also share a fascinating quote by President John Taylor.