To truly understand this series, one must first recognize and understand the three main types of love. The concept of love having types is not new, and should not seem strange. For example, in Spanish we use terms like Amar and Querer, which signify very different forms of love.
The three types of love pertinent to the issue of lust and sexual attraction, arise from the Greek words Eros, Phileo, and Agape. While the details can be a bit complex, for the purposes of understanding my point is suffices to define Eros as sexual love which, unless tempered by the other forms of love, will always be based in selfish lust. Eros is the worldly love exposed by John. 1 John 2:15-16.
Phileo is a deep love for an associate or friend, which includes such concepts as loyalty, honesty, compassion. It is what lies at the basis of what some philosophers call Platonic relationships.
Agape is best defined as Charity or the pure love of Christ, described beautifully in both I Corinthians Chapter 13 and Moroni Chapter 7. Agape is of course, the highest form of love, and one all humans should seek as the basis of every relationship and the fountain that feeds their true identity.
In our day the world has elevated Eros as both the focus and end state of our existence. It uses Eros to sell products, movies, ideologies. Reference to it can be found in everyday profanity. It has made billions of dollars for its exploiters in roadside fantasy shops and forums of pornography. Sex sells, and is powerful because it appeals to the carnal being, which being is in control of a large portion of our society as was prophesied in 2 Timothy 3:1-7.
Eros is powerful and prevalent, but we must remember that Phileo, can also be very strong. For example the love between young David and King Saul’s son Jonathan. Before David became king, while he was already married to three wives, and knew very well what sexual attraction was, he was also involved in a relationship of Phileo with Jonathan. Their friendship was deep, powerful and sacrificial. At one point the scriptures describe the love between David and Jonathan as that “surpassing the love of a woman.” That reference is an indicator that in David’s life Phileo was greater than, or superior to, Eros.
While Phileo is good, Agape is the best. It should be our goal to acquire Agape for every relationship we have. It should be what really defines us and our legacy. When married couples express Agape toward each other, sexual attraction becomes a mute issue. Such partners do not spend time wondering about or worrying if their spouse is attractive, they love each other selflessly, unconditionally, and in any intimate relationship between such partners selfish desires give way to the desires to serve, bless and please. The focus of Agape is always external, never internal, which is why it is so rare in our narcissistic world.