I love my grandchildren. I really do. If while carrying one of them in my arms I was accosted by an armed thug, ordering me to surrender the child or die, it would be a fight to the finish, even if it meant my death.
For years in personal, family and church relationships, I would find great peace when I would hear those I cared about profess a love for God. I would even console myself with my own professions of love for Him, though that love had seldom been tested. In my mind I would always associate professions of love with a determined dedication to serve and follow Him at all costs, to put I him first in our lives, which I also knew would lead this to peace in this life and eternal joy in the world to come. I also felt like those professions of love would in some way demonstrate a recognition of our debt of gratitude. It took me forever to realize that there are differing levels of love for God with associated commitments and priorities.
In one ward we lived in we were told that our building would be refurbished and upgraded. It would require us to meet for some time in another building 20 miles away and since that building was already occupied, we would have to meet at a rather inconvenient time. I was amazed at how those whom I had heard profess love for God and Jesus, complained, murmured and threatened to not attend. The father of one such complainer sympathized with my wonder. When I mentioned it to him, he said “Yeah. I would crawl through broken class for you Jesus, but don’t ask me to attend a later meeting!” That was it exactly, a quick summation of the truth that merely loving God was not enough. Finally, I understood the rest of the love God scriptures. That as disciples we are not just to love him, but to love him with “all our hearts, all our souls, all our minds,” only that kind of prioritized, dedicated, sacrificial love is the kind upon which, as Jesus professed; “hangs all the law and the prophets.”
My experiences have not made me a skeptic. Now when I hear others profess a love for God, I believe that they really do love him, but I also hope with deep yearning that it will be the deepest love, the sacrificial love, the love that puts Him first in all of life’s pursuits. I hope they love him like a grandchild and not like a pizza. Similarly, when in the solemn moments of personal prayer I find myself professing my love for God, I hope deeply that it is, and will always be, the type of love that will motivate me to put Him first in my life. I have also learned, that such love comes as a gift from God. Charity is not just a gift to empower us to love our neighbors perfectly, but an enabler for us to love God with totality.
I am determined to seek that charity, for I do not want my love for God to be a lesser kind, the kind that allows me to rationalize away sacrifice, with the self-deceiving mindset that loving God is enough, and demonstrations of that love by action are unneeded.
No, I truly desire to love God....more than my personal convenience…more than my stuff…more than my desire for gain…more than my vanity…more than my addictions…more than my pains…more than my plans for the future…more than my weariness…more than my shyness…more than my fears…yes, even more than my life.