When we speak of someone being attractive, it generally refers to the fact that they appeal to us, we find looking at them or being near them a pleasing experience. The dictionary defines attraction in part as; “a quality or feature that evokes interest, liking, or desire.” The unspoken underlying motivation here is that the desire, interest or liking is on the part of the observer, without regard to, or consideration of, the person or place being looked at.
Aside from the self-interest which pervades that definition, there is little harm in the concept of being attracted to someone or thing for good reasons. Many people have been attracted to others because of their great preaching ability (Billy Graham) or their athletic prowess (Michael Jordan). In the spiritual sense Jesus’ very aura attracted the good and noble, meek and lowly in many cities and places. They were drawn to him, attracted to him, because of the light He radiated, the power He gave, the healing power He possessed.
However, a serious problem can surface in the area of sexual attraction. While it is not evil to find the appearance of others to be pleasing to us, the focus of sexual attraction is still selfish, and if left ungoverned by charity and compassion, if not modified by the purer forms of love, it becomes lust. Lust can become the sole desire in a relationship, to the exclusion of the multitude of greater, eternally more significant factors. In that way lust destroys marriages.
Alma’s son Corianton was attracted to the harlot Isabel. She had become the focus, the center of his narcissistic desires for sexual gratification. His selfish desire and focus on the physical attraction led him to abandon his mission, disregard God’s commands, disobey his father and cause great damage to the church. His motivation to that end was caused by what his prophet/father called the “lust of his eyes”. Alma 39:9
Lust is selfish, sinful, objectifying. Lust is self-centered. It moves one to see others, regardless of their age, species, gender or marital status, as objects to satisfy their own desires. Lust is the basis of Eros, and the only kind of “love” that the natural man understands or desires.
I once counseled with a couple experiencing marriage difficulties in part because the wife had undergone breast reduction surgery because of the intense back pain she was suffering. Her husband was angry at her, because in his mind her actions reduce her attractiveness to him. I grieved for her, because his selfish actions demonstrated that the marriage was based on lust. It was shallow, almost meaningless. She was not a friend and companion to him, but an object of his selfish desires, she was not his eternal companion, but rather his earthly concubine. The lack of charity, absence of unconditional love, was tragic.
In was never meant to be so. In the beginning God created Eve as a helpmeet for Adam, a coworker, fellow partner, a friend and companion. She was in very fact a part of him. Their union as commanded by God was to bring forth children and populate the earth. Eve was not created to gratify Adam’s lust, nor was Adam’s purpose to gratify Eve. That they found pleasure and joy in their holy union was a blessing arising out of their union, not its purpose. Genesis 2:18-25
True that Adam and Eve were each other’s only options, but with God as the match maker, they were content to fulfill the measure of their creation. Because they loved God and wanted to do His will. Sexual attraction to each other was not required for them to fulfill that measure.
All this is not to say that sexual gratification is always sinful. The truth is that when such desires are sought or motivated by selflessness, and a desire to please another, surrounded by the safety and unity of covenants, based in Agape, and blessed by the Holy Spirit, such relationship are approved by God. In an Agape marriage, where Phileo abounds, sexual gratification can be a blessed gift......... but it is still not essential.